Ugh

Haven't been updating this thing in a long time. Whoopsie daisy.

I've been super busy with school things and everything else, too. I'll figure something out, eventually.

Starting to catch a cold and don't want it. I can't afford to take off right now. Uh...

My business package isn't done yet, but I'll post it when it's all done like I said I would. Derp.

Trying to think of what else to say. Been on Gaia a lot. It's been uneasy in regards to roleplays here lately because one is sporadic with updating, but I like the other two that I'm in so it kinda helps me wind down.

A bunch of drama, but thankfully I'm not involved in it. And my aunt is moving out in less than two weeks, so YIPPIE.

Whoops.

I've been feeling really down lately. It's an accumulation of everything and the fact that I have no motivation at all to get anything done...

I've been looking for places to go for therapy but I can't find any nearby that I think I would be comfortable with. I dunno. I wish I could figure out IUPUI's website and go there since I'm write there everyday.

It's been effecting my sleep and eating. And I feel exhausted and stressed a lot of the time.

How could I hit low again when I was doing so well?

Better yet, why do I have to be alone?

I haven't been updating here much since that last post. Nothing really has changed about that. In fact, it has kind of gotten worse. My aunt is a train wreck and a half and I just want her the fuck outtt. But enough about that, the people who know the details, know the details already. Not gonna talk about it anymore unless there is a drastic turn of events (which hopefully there would be fore the better by the end of March)...

Uh. We had ice storms and everything so I had a full week of school off and work almost, but I had to go Thursday and Friday.

Random people have requested me to touch up photos for them, so that's pretty cool. I gain experience, right?

Been rping and doing math for the most part. I am starting to not like my design class because the instructor has organized the assignments so poorly that a majority of us are confused. She also forgets to post all of the sections as well until later dates so I'm kind of paranoid about checking up on it all of the time now, lol.

One of my rp buddies/friends online had this awesome fanart made for me for valentine's day!



FUCK YEAR.

My OC is with Kyouya and hers is with Tamaki... th-this is Ouran, by the way LOL. I riek it a lot. C:

I don't think I have anything else to report. I have to refine my business packet but when that is put together I'll show it off. It's not like, fantastico, but my instructor said it's very sellable. lol.

I hate the fucking lot of them.

Aside from my father, I feel nothing but pure annoyance for my family right now. They act like they care so much, but when it comes to actually taking the leap, they never pull through or they are hypocritical or contradictory. They're nothing like me. I feel like I'm an alien. They are either like, so mesmerized by what I do or they are so bored by what I do. They don't understand what I do or why I design certain things. Sometimes I have to follow certain terms to go with projects and such. But apparently since I follow my "client" details, that doesn't mean that my designs are good, apparently. People have different tastes, But I don't like to hear about how much I need to improve or whatever when you can't even begin to understand what I am doing, which I know for a fact that the people in my household who do have such strong opinions, they have no idea.

I'm just kind of fucking done. I want to leave this house so badly. I hate it. I want to just be on my own already. Where I can actually have some god damn peace and quiet and stay away from all this damn negativity and let downs and disappointment. I'm SICK OF IT. I can only take so much without feeling over-sensative about it right now because I've been slammed with stupid shit only over and over again here lately in my real life that it's beyond ridiculous. I'm pissed off and I'm tired, and between work and school I don't need to come home to people who just fake believing in me. Just leave me alone.

Yeah yeah yeah

So I finally came out with it to my mother about my suicide attempt back in.... well, a very long time ago. I was a bit freaked out about her reaction to it. Instead of calling me an idiot of anything she asked me what she could have done differently to have helped me not think like I had no way out. I really didn't know what to tell her. All I said was she probably couldn't have done anything since I was blaming a lot of things and not just her. But I think I upset her because she kind of did seem to think that I blamed her for it. That was a long time ago, though. It just took me this long to actually say anything to her about it. I was kind of afraid of what she might say to me but I'm glad it can be water under the bridge hopefully now.

I have website stuff to do. I am sick. I can barely concentrate at work today. Which means this is going to be yet another stress-filled week.

Derp.

Yay continuity. Anyway, I just got out of my CGT 251 class. I got a lot of praise for my business packet! It was definently a confidence booster that I needed before I am about go and screw up my math exam, lol. I'mma post the full thing I guess later when I fine tune everything. Since it's been nicely recieved, I'll be adding it to my portfolio. I didn't think compared to a lot of others I did very well, but I guess I should think a bit differently about it, now. I'll just have to learn to not play it so safe.

Uh, in other news, there isn't much to report on. I kind of should hate my web design class apparently because the people I know that have taken it before said that you don't use dreamweaver that much, which is awful since that's what most web designers use nowadays. B'aaaw and I wanted to learn it, too. Maybe I'll talk to Bannatyne about it. And the way my instructor words things sometimes is so weird and disorganized. Like, for this next assignment she wants us to post questions to ask a mock company and for her to answer, but she wants like, one thread PER QUESTION instead of just us listing off questions like, you know, a normal designer would so they all can be answered in one sitting. I guess she just wanted to make it a little inconvenient, but whatever.

Random, but I hate it when people post youtube videos of themselves just being all lovey-dover with one another or whatever. Sorry to be a jerface, but who gives a flying fuck aside from you two? Not really many people, I'm sure. "Awww, that's so cute!" Yeah, well, unless you're getting married or having a montage of your life, it's more annoying than it is cute. Murr. Just gah. People shoving that stuff into people's faces pisses me off. It's disgusting.

So are kissing photoes. Those are just stupid as well.

Er... enough about me ranting, I am kinda bored today. So yeah.

Yo!

So, I seriously do not know what I was thinking back then about not ever having a good day again. I sounded like a jackass. Anyway, it's been awhile since I last posted. In the mean time, I have stopped being the group's therapist because one, I just decided I don't give a shit at least over the petty things people I know do or b'aw over, and two, why the hell should I when I don't get the love returned to me? So, yes. And I cut off ties with a lot of people, but it's weird. With the exception of having those people around, I have been happier than I have been as of late. I think it's because I'm not surrounded by so much negativity anymore.

I miss my best friend, who is now in the army and stationed in California for AIT so far. Yeah.

I'm in school and I've been working. I'm kinda stressing out over everything but I feel much better at the same time. I feel like an adult finally. It's probably a bad thing because I fear growing up, but at the same time I want to. I still liek some of the same things, but there are just some things more important in life than anime and manga, role playing, ect. And those things actually do need to come first to make myself better. I have learned that and thus became more mature. Sorry if that makes anyone mad but I feel better about it. I goof off and stuff still. But there just comes a time where enough is enough and you actually need to be serious about some things.

I have been designing stuff for a mock hair salon company. Maybe when I get done with the full set, I'll post it here. I dunno.

Uh... yeah, that's a wrap.